AFTER THE TRAGEDY
When the great evangelist L. Moody was in Dublin, he was told about a father who had lost a little boy, and he had not thought about the future because he had been so entirely taken up with this world and its affairs.But when that little boy died, his only child, that’s fathers heart was broken.Every night, when he got home after work, they would find him with his tallow candle and his Bible in his room.He was hunting up all that he could find in the Scriptures about heaven.When someone asked him what he was doing, he said that he was trying to find out where his child had gone.
I was like that father too.Since then, my heart is thinking of the day I will be going to the place where my three children had gone to.My heart is set after them.
FEELING OF BEING LEFT BEHIND
Only those who had lost a child will really know how we felt moments after the tragedy. The agony, the pain and the sorrows cannot be described. No human kindness or generousity, no nice words can really help during this time although these can soothe our wounds but not heal.During this times,the best that others can do is to accompany us and help to do house chores until the veil of sadness is slowly lifted from our hearts.It is best that little words are spoken. If possible silence is preferrable instead of much words of comfort or advice.
Only the direct comfort of God can lift the veil of sorrows from our hearts.God and God alone can heal our wounds.When God shows His presence to us through dreams/visions and He communicates directly to us that is when the healing begins.
“Where did they go?” Is the first question that I asked.If it was possible I would have run after them and took them back.But God gives and He has the right to take them away.Anything that I see in and outside the house reminded me of them.My love for my children is too great.I read every word in the Bible to look for the word HEAVEN because I want to go there.I also read some books about heaven written be some great Christian writers.In the first few months, I had read over 30 books, of which some are about heaven.I am thankful to God that many songs that I heard during this sad times enables me to stand firm in my faith.Songs by Ray Boyz,Ken Henry,Bob Fitts and Don Moen had helped me a lot during the sad moments.At night our pillows are often wet because of our tears. Really, songs do soothe our wounds.
An old pastor stopped me on the road and told me “GOD LOVES YOU”.I know that God really loves my family.To ensure that my mind is heavenward, He has to take my children.I will not lose my children to this world and more because God is looking after them for me till I would rejoin them later.Hence the only way I can rejoin them is to follow God faithfully.
After the various visits from friends and relatives, we are all alone. The loneliness is sometimes unbearable. Sometimes we just walk aimlessly forgetting of what to do. Sometimes we are imobilized, not knowing what to do next. If you got strong memories, you will know what I mean. Everything is done quietly. No smile, no laughter, no games because your mind is no longer there.Will parents forget their children who had gone before them?Certainly not.One well known evangelist once said that, losing a child is like losing one of your hands.Others said that there is a hole in their heart that can never be filled. You see, one happened many years ago is not erased over time.The only time the ultimate healing happens is when we meet them face to face again.We have to continue to carry this until our time comes.It is good because we are never out of focuss to things above.Our children who are in heaven makes
heaven our focus.
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE OF LIFE
Life is no longer the same.Something is missing in your heart.Hence there is a longing to be reunited with your love ones. The longing grows each additional day. Would a mother or father forget his or her children? We were not
given the opportunity to see them grow up into adulthood.
My mind is heaven focus because the only important thing now is to ensure that I am able to go to heaven to be with the Lord and my children.
Our spiritual life becomes deeper and more focus to things
above.No longer you want to be reckless about this short
life.Life becomes very precious.
Life must go on but the memory lingers on- any object in your house that belongs to your love ones that have gone
will rekindle your love and longing to meet them some day.
We suffer in silence- the void in our hearts keep reminding us that our children are waiting for us somewhere
and this spur us to think of heaven.
SUFFERING IN SILENCE
To lose your children is like losing everything in your life. I realized that there is nothing in the world that is more important than your children. Therefore we suffer
in silence, waiting for the day when we will meet again someday, and our suffering will be no more.
It is good for me to suffer in this way- to be humbled and humilated so that our life is in constant acknowledgement of the sovereignity of God over all things.
The good things out of this tragedy is that our children who are in heaven make us look upward and be closed to our Lord. It other words, they draw us to God because if not,
we might never see our children anymore.
I will not ask God to lift this suffering from my heart because I need it to help me in my spiritual walk.
My family is even closer now. Closer is also our walk with God.We know how beautiful the place our children are waiting for us now. I know they too cannot wait for the day when we will be reunited again. This world has nothing to offer that can make me forget about my children. The three of them up there really make us real homesick to go to that beautiful place.
WHAT MATTERS SINCE THEN
One thing that I experienced is about the love of a father and his children.I begin to realize the extend of parental love to their children.God has to put His love in my heart to enable me to see others through His sight. I begin to understand God the Father’s love for His Son Jesus Christ. Really, love for God and others really matters now.
During the tragedy, thousands of people were affected and came to help us. People that we have not met also helped us. People of other races and faith came and contributed. People in the three areas where I had served came to comfort us.In no time we received so much. Then I realized we must always be good to people and willing to help others because a time will come when we might need them.
Things of heaven and our salvation matters most now.Other things look dim. If you really missed someone you love, you will not rest until you meet them again.
MOVING THROUGH A TUNNEL INTO THE LIGHT
Once I had a vision or dream, I am not sure which one.But I was in a tunnel which was very dark.I could not go back because the entrance was closed. The only thing that I could do was move forward.But again, there was no outlet.So I was in the tunnel, trapped. Then I focused my eyes towards the wall and suddenly, the wall whitened and crumbled before me.I was able to walk out – free.
The veil of sadness will be lifted and rays of sunshine will come to enlightened us the purpose of God in our life. One thing for sure after this tragedy is ,we will realize that every sin is purged from our hearts. Like being squeezed out at the intensity of the sorrow.This enabled us to hear God’s speaking to us in our heart. We are able to see some visions from God because of the purity of the heart at this point.We are sensitive to any form of sins.The humilation that we felt as a result of the tragedy made us humble and tender- and this enables the Holy Spirit to manifest Himself in us.At this point too, God is able to pour His love into us because now we are really focused on things above.You will also know that the streams of living within us- bringing along healing properties in our lives.
The tragedy will clean us up, for it burns every thing which is not of God.
LETTING IN THE SUN RAYS
Many people had spoken about us. They said that they were very encouraged when they looked at us, as if nothing had ever happened.Some said that we did not succumb or fall because of our strong faith in God.The word of God had always been in my heart since I was in primary school. When I was in primary 5, I had read the whole Lun Bawang new testament and then the old testament. But even then, like all human, the tragedy was devastating to us and had destroyed us totally. We were broken inside and there were times when we could only produce dried tears. But something also happened to us in the inside.God touched us and the River of Life flowed through us to wipe our tears and heal our wounds.
LIFE GOES ON
AFTER the tragedy, life must go on. God lets me look after my two other children. That would be enough for me. God had said that He will give me many children. Those will
be those who will accept Christ through my ministry. My properties and what belongs to me, i will continue to take care. Those that does not benefit me, i just let go and leave behind. Only things of God and only that is permitted by God will i keep and take care.
My life is no longer like before. My mind is heavenward. Things that slow me down, i have to let go. My wrongs, my evil deeds if any, i place at the Cross.
My children who are in heaven spurs me on to remain faithful to God. That i will do. I will not give up. Always doing my part for God.