” There was a story of a small family of three. From the day she was born, the mother of the little girl would bring her to church every sunday. But the husband will not go to church but else where- to the pub. They went to church every sunday. She would ask, ” why is daddy not going to church?” When she reached the age of 13, her daddy said, ” Now it is my turn to bring you.” He brought her to the pub every sunday instead of going to church. She told the mother, she preferred to go to the pub than to church. She enjoyed meeting people and dancing. The mother was sad. But not long after, she fell very sick and was on her death bed. She called for her daddy and asked him, ” Daddy, which way should I go, daddy’s way or mummy’s way?” The father cried, “Mummy’s way! mummy’s way! But the little girl died without hearing the cry of the father.”
PLEASE ASK YOURSELVES:
1. What are my chidren seeing and hearing at home?
2. How do I talk to my children?
3. How many times have I bring them for a holiday away from home?
4. Who are their best friend?
5. What are they good at ?
6. Did they say, “Thanks dad or mum?”
NATURAL UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN.
PARENTS need to know that natural upbringing of our children is the best way to go forward. Care and love are two fundamental values that bind all the rest together. If the parents can bring up their children together without others ( including grandparents etc ) they will not lose their children. A child can only learn to care and love if the parents are doing the caring and the love, and not some one else. No one else can substitute the natural parents as far as love and care is concern. Others can come in but they must not given most of the time to influence our children. When God created man and woman, He put in them that natural instinct or values of caring and loving upon their offsprings. Even the animals showed that! The moment the baby is born to the 7th year, the parents must be number one in their life or else SOME ELSE will influence them.
The righteous man leads a blameless life;blessed are his children after him.(Proverbs 20:7)
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”(Proverbs 22:15)
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”(Proverbs 22:6)
GOD’S GIFT TO YOUR MARRIAGE
Many people think that the children they have are theirs only. They are wrong indeed. What ever we have, God is the one who gives as a gift for us. Our children do not belong to us only. They are given by God, with a purpose- for us to look after. Don’t mislead them, otherwise it is better for a man to tie a string tied to a heavy stone around his neck and jump into the sea, than to mislead the little ones. Thats what Jesus’ said in Mark. How do we mislead them? If you don’t to church, they will also not going to church for sure!”
DO YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN?
We hear a lot of news with regards to children nowadays.The news are seldom good.Some raise their children well, others release them to the world. How we treat our children depend on how we love them and look at them. If we love them, we will do everything possible for their well being. If we are not, we will abuse or enslave or even worse chase them away. You see it all depends on how we love our children.
My eldest boy told me about one of his college mates who has no home to go to during the holidays. He will sit with the security guards at night and sleep beside them.He cannot go home because his mother will chase him away.The mother had separated from her husband and remarried while her former husband remarried.He cannot stay with his father because he has a new family.This is indeed quite sad
given the fact that the boy really need support.
Sadly, we see a lot of this nowadays.Children no longer loved as a result of family problems.Marriage disintegrated
and the children become the victims.
Our own children are our most valuable treasures.They inherit what we have.They will look after us when we are old.We look after them well now, they will look after us when we are old. They have no way to go if we chase them away.The only home to them, whether good or bad is still the family. When we are old, we will be as vulnerable as our little children.We will need someone to care for us.Those who has the natural tendency to look after us are of course our children.
So love your children and do your best to make them safe and cared for.
Parents greatest worry is to have problematic kids.Many parents spent sleepless nights thinking of how to manage their children.If you are a school teacher like me, you will know that different kids
bring all kinds of problems or behaviour. When parents look at their little todler acts naughtilty, they say all kinds of things about them – always very negative. The child learns almost everything from his or her parents.Language, behaviour and anything the child saw you did or do, he or she will take in. If you say foul words, your child will use it.The way you scold her or him, in the same manner the child will do also.The way we treat the child, that’s how the child will treat others.Teachers have a good idea of what sort of parents their students have.
Hence, parents need not worry of how their children will become if they can help their young ones learn the desired behaviour at the moment the child is born.Family education at this early stage in very critical.If the child is not taught by the parents before they come into contact with the world, they will pick anything along the way.
One of my boys age 11 went to my home village, to spend his holidays.At home, he befrended his cousins and they tried to make him smoke a cigarrete but to no avail. He told them that “my daddy said smoking is not good for health, and also God don’t want us to smoke.” At a very young age, I told them not to smoke etc..
Parents should ensure that they show good behaviour etc in front of their kids.
At an early age, the children should be taught to love the Lord and to fear Him.Let our children be taught to read and memorize verses from the bible because this will help them along the way.How the parents treat them is how they will treat others- including their parents. We are to impress God’s commandment on our children.(Deutronomy 6:7)
So, our children really depend on us to make the correct step into the wild world.
WHY INVEST IN OUR CHILDREN?
Have you ever wonder why there are homes for the aged, old beggars wandering aimlessly in the streets, old people sleeping on the streets? One obvious reason is there is no one at home who would like to bring them into their homes.The children are now busy for themselves and have no time to look after their old parents. Some chase them away or send them to the care centres for the aged. Just like before, the children have no time for their aged parents. Apparently, the love within the children was not
deep enough. The parents have not done enough to inculcate the proper culture or nuture true love in the hearts of their children. So when the parents do not have the time for their kids, when the kids grow up into adult, they too will have little time for their parents.
That is why parents, who are capable and have the necessary resources should put first priority into the well being of their children. Their faith in God, their education, their physical and spiritual developments and needs should be taken with seriousness. If we want our children to face the future with confidence, to have the proper career etc.., then it has to begin at home. Everything, good or bad begins at home.If we are not knowledgeable in child care, consult the specialists or those who have the experience. The Bible is actually a book that deals with every aspect of family life. You have to dig through it.
ALWAYS LEAVING YOUR CHILDREN?
Parents are quite busy at the moment some always say.And quite true, they are some who are busy throughout the year-chasing money and neglecting the needs of their children. Even during the holidays they would leave their children under the care of someone else.
The consequences are many.First, the overall development of the child is never complete!The nanny will never be able to pass on the love of a mother to a child because the child is not hers.The child will never really experience the love of its mother because the child is often left by the mother.Hence, the child is confuse on what intimate, family love really is.Secondly, since the child is not hers, the nanny will never be able to do beyond what she is asked to do, unlike a mother who will do anything for the good of her child.Thirdly, at the most critical age, the child is left under the care of another person who is not the mother.Hence, the moral upbringing is affected.During this age, the child is closer to the nanny than to its real mother.Seeing that his or her mother likes to leave her or him, the child will learn to accept that we can leave those we love any time we want.
Some people always think that a little child will not understand or learn much so leaving them do not affect much.Unfortunately, this is not true, a child will learn and take in anything that the child will experience.
MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR CHILD
Did you quarrel with your son or daughter lately?
Well if you did, I am sure she or he does not really like you.Worst still if you are a father or mother who always get angry with your children day in day out.Children do not think the same level with us most of the time. We want our child to walk like we do.Check the step of your child.If you step forward once, your child will make 2 steps to equal yours.Parents must make small steps to be able to communicate with their children effectively.They have to jump if you want them to walk like you do.
Now if you have quarreled with your son or daughter,make amend and try to reach out to them.The best way to get rid of the anger in their heart concerning you is to present them something they love during their birthdays or other days that will bring meaning to them.When you present the presents, ask your spouse to take a photo of this occasion for the album.Place your hands lovingly on their shoulder as you give them the present.
How we treat our children will determine how they will treat others too, especially their own children.And when we are old, it is their turn to treat us the way we had treated them when they were children!
IS YOUR HOME, A HOME SWEET HOME FOR YOUR CHILDREN?”
If they always stay out, if they always go somewhere and come back late… is a sign that they are boring at home.Children find their home boring if their parents are always not at home and if their parents are indifferent to their needs.If the parents do not show that they love them or care for them,they would look for such outside.If the parents do not like to play and talk to their children, the home is indeed a lonely place.Parents who always get angry with their children will scare them away from the house. It is rather true that we adults, are often busy and do not really know how to satisfy the needs of our active children. The best way is to bring them out and visit some places of interest where a lot of young people love to go. It is better to plan your family’s holiday before hand. Know your children interest first. If they like guitars, talk to them about music. Bring them to a guitar shop, and if you can afford it, buy a guitar for that particular son or daughter. If they love swimming, bring them to a swimming pool sometimes. If they love to eat fruits, bring them to a fruit garden. We want to be close to our children, we have to make sacrifices. Let your holidays be for your family and not for you alone.
Never leave it to the world to teach and educate you child.Let you yourselves teach them in a manner that God wants them first.
LEAVING ALL THE HOUSE CHORES AND CHILD CARE TO YOUR WIFE OR HUSBAND?
Children come as a result of union between a husband and a wife.Hence the responsibility falls on both, house chores and child care.If one is doing everything while the other just sit down or read newspaper only, that house is bound to experience marriage disatisfaction and marital problems.Even if the husband is unable to cook, he can still cut the carrot or slice the long beans! Even if the husband cannot feed the little baby, he should be able to hold it and bring the child to sleep while the mother is busy in the kitchen. The various responsibility is shared.This is important if we want to educate the child respect for their parents and others.The child learns alot at home, and the relationship between parents is under the scrutiny of the children.
I heard that an angry mother came to a school once. She scolded the teachers, the headmaster in a loud angry voice, with all kinds of threats! Later, one of the teachers remarked, “The child behaves exactly like her mother, in the class!”
Children can learn to be helpful and respectful if the parents do the work in the house together.
TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN
Talk and touch your children because it means a lot to the children.What I mean is to talk lovingly as a father talk to his children.Some children hated their parents because the only words that they hear from their parents were angry words (scolding etc). The children should be shown the caring and loving aspect of parenthood. Do find time to talk gently to your children especially on something that the children love to do.Time spend in this manner will really keep the family intact and help the children to experience Godly love and character.
TEACH OUR CHILDREN AND TEACH THEM WHEN THEY ARE VERY YOUNG
Teaching our children when they are young about God is what God requires of all Christians parents.That’s what God commanded the Israelites when He gave them the Ten Commandments. If they are taught to love God at a very early age, then the children will surely remember it when they grow older.
It is not easy to give advice to our children once they are in their teens, even more so when they reach adulthood- unless they loved and respected their parents since they were young.They will listen to their peers more than their parents at certain age.
That is why teaching them when they are very young is perhaps the most important contribution parents can make.
MUMMY’S WAY OR DADDY’S WAY
Once there was a couple who has a little girl, their only child. Since she was small, the mother will bring her to the church every sunday.The husband refused to go to church, but instead mocked them every time they asked him to come along.The woman was a good Christian. When the little reach her teens, the father asked her to follow him to parties, the the pubs and even night club. She really enjoyed going to these places and she no longer wants to follow her mother to church.She prefered to follow daddy’s way.The mother was very sad. Her daughter said that she enjoyed following her father than going to church which to her was very boring. But one day, the girl fell sick and was on her death bed. She requested for her father to come to her side quickly.The father was crying.The daughter asked, “Daddy, which way should I choose, mummy’s way or daddy’s way?” The heart broken father cried repeatedly, “Mummy’s way, mummy’s way! you follow mummy’s way.”But the girl did not hear him.She had died and could not answer the father.
There are many fathers who are like this father right now. They refuse to go to church because they thought that they are so strong and they do not want some preacher to tell them what not to do.They do all kinds of bad things and became bad examples to their children. Hence, when their children see the way their fathers live, they will follow the way of their fathers…. to hell eventually.But some parents might turn back to God, but what about the children that they had influenced to commit sins and love to sins?
A father bought an expensive motorbike for his only son, and a few days later, the son was killed in an accident.Some teenagers drove a car and crashed into a group of people killing some.A son drove the father’s car and crashed into a tree.
Parents love to give whatever their children ask for. One of the things the children want to do actually is to have lots of freedom- especially mobility. To be mobile, you want motorbike or car.While there are dangers of accidents on the road, the children who are given motor bike or car will sure to meet with all kinds of company, especially the bad ones.Most absentees in schools involve students who ride motorbike to school. Instead of going to school, they drive elsewhere.They endangers others too. Their mobility increases the family spending- buying more fuel. Who is bearing the cost?The father or mother.
When we give our children gifts, we have to be wise. We have to ask, is it that necessary?
ALL KINDS OF BEHAVIOUR IN SCHOOLS
In a boarding school like mine, where there are more than one thousand students, i observe and deal with all kinds of behaviours, which are always negative. Some children appeared to have been neglected. Some cannot wash themselves clean. Some don’t know how to sweep the floor. There are some who urinate any where.Foul words are often used… and I begin to realize the importance of family education. Family education is about what a person learns in the family. Everyone starts from the family. Our behaviours are shaped there.The headmaster is the father. His assistant is the wife.The children are the students.The house is the school building. If the parents love to scold people, their children will do the same….you name it… they will imitate it…
Of course, the difficulties that many people faced are as a result of the decision they did when they were young.They did not listen to the advice of their parents, teachers etc..so they neglect their studies, and were being influenced by their indisciplined peers.When this happens, the life cycle repeats itself.The family is unable to break away from it.
Wise parents would try to prevent history from repeating itself.That is why some parents spent lots of money to make sure that their children get into higher institution of learning.At the same time, they made sure that their children are being brought up in a Christian community so that their spiritual upbringing is not neglected.
Children copy their behaviour from their parents!So think and check yourselves first before you scold your children.The PARENTS DETERMINE THEIR CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOUR BECAUSE WHAT THE CHILDREN OBSERVE DURING THEIR EARLY CHILDHOOD IS HOW THEY WILL LIVE THEIR LIVES.
Even if parents managed to hide their personal problems from the eyes of their children, their sins will find them out.There is no way out for anyone who lives out dishonest life or a life full of deceit. These seeds will find its way into the life of our children if our own sins are not cleanse from our life. BLESSED ARE THE CHILDREN WHOSE PARENTS FEAR THE LORD.They will also be blessed.
GOD’S COMMAND TO US:
THE BOOK OF Deutronomy speaks to us with regards to our children. God command us to tell our children to LOVE GOD and LOVE our neighbours. This is the most important instructions for every head of family today. Parents are tell them about God whether we are at home, or outside, while we sit or lie down. We have to impress their heart to love and fear God.
so if we ourselves do not love God, can we teach our children to do so? Do we want them to be lost to the world?
The dreams of everyone is a life of joy and happiness within the family. Family relationship is not like boy girl friend kind of relationship.Anything can happen between the boy girl kind of relationship and they will separate and dislike one another. They will look for new friend. But family is different, they quarrel but they will still come back together.
Many of us want to be in good relationship until we reach old age. That is very imortant because that is the time we need people to be around us and help us. But unfortunately, many people don’t look far ahead and therefore do not nuture family relationship. Other priorities are more important. That is why, children are looked after by other people and not the parents. They put their children in care or day centres to love things and not themselves.
Children can be taught, trained and nutured to become our friends for ever. Just look after them right from the beginning and show love, care and spend quality time with them, they will remember such moments when they grow older. Giving them wonderful experiences will make them forever ours. The opportunities are ours. God has given us the mandate and opportunities. Bring them to enjoy their moments with you. Go for holidays, bring them to the park etc.