*COMFORTING THOSE WHO ARE HURT
The background midi is “I will walk” written by Julie Schieck of Minnesota and provided by NEW HOPE MUSIC.
The Bible speaks quite clearly that those who has gone through difficulties such as tragedies and had been comforted will be able to comfort those who are facing similar trials.The main reason is because they went through the same experience.Sharing the same experience is very important if any form of reaching out is to be started.They will be able to offer carefully uttered and chosen words of comfort.
The others can still comfort those who had lost love ones eventhough they have not experience such sorrows.Remember losing a child is quite different from losing our old parents.The wound is very deep.what we can do if we have not experience such difficulties are to offer material assistance,be with them and weep with them and help them even in small things.
During such tragedy,what we really want to hear is a confirmation that our loves ones are safe with the Lord and that God’s love are with us too.Asking too much questions such as how the tragedy happened in fact hurts because it is trying to investigate the cause.In fact asking questions is like rubbing the wounds all over. It is no use either to tell the hurting person what he or she should do if we have not gone through such sad experience.Sending cards saying we will pray for you, we love you,God loves you or pay a visit without asking what happen during the tragedy are some simple ways to give comfort.Many of those who had gone through such difficulties told me that when they see me, it is enough to comfort them.I need not utter any other words more than God’s love you and cares for you, unless they start the conversation.
What to say?
1. May I get something for you?
2. Call us if you need anything.
3. We are inviting you to our home for dinner or lunch.
4. You are not alone,God knows everything.
5. God has plans for our lives which will work out for our good in the end.
6. God loves your family very much.
7. Please remember what had happened to Job.
8. We will be visiting you once in a while.
These are some words that can be spoken to those who had undergone some tragedies like what we had experienced.
During such period of personal loss, the loneliest period is the second month and onwards.This is the time, visits from friends ends.During this time, church members can make occassional visits to the family so that the loneliness is broken.Inviting the family to visit some places is recommended so that they are away from the place where the tragedy happened.
Tragedies/abuses etc. bring lots of hurt to people.These not only make people sad but also make them feeling humiliated and sometimes bitter inside.To speak or to approach these people is not easy.Some people think that to speak to these people is enough- example go for counselling etc.We must remember that once we are hurt, we do not want to be hurt again.In other words we won’t accept any words of advice which will relate to what had happened, because the whole episode is being rewind.In fact those hurt are very sensitive- a lot of these people already know or had read books on process of healing etc.
Thinking of giving more bible verses or advices might not work.It is a lot better to ask the person what we need to do to help.In other words, let the person decides on the next course of action or the next step, unless he asks.
What not to say
During this time of sorrows,there are a lot of questions entering the minds and heart of those who lost love ones.There is a battle raging in, between the negative and the positive.The negatives try to put blames for the tragedy while the positives try to drown the negative thoughts and accept the reality.
During these times,some people can bring more hurt by asking how such tragedy had happened, and what should have been done to avoid it.They always look for someone to blame.Questions like, who was the driver?Why nobody try to help?Why did you ask them to follow?How can you leave the children like that? How did the fire started?
We must all know that our time will come one day and in all kind of manners.Life and death is the decision of the almighty.When our time comes, nothing can stop it.We can take all kinds of precaution but they will not stop death from coming to us.
SOME SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO BE A SOURCE OF SUPPORT
AND COMFORT FOR THE GRIEF-STRICKEN
1. Ask God for a tender heart,an understanding heart and a considerate heart so that we are guided in what we say.
2. Use the gift of listening.Talking too much makes listening difficult.By listening we show love.
3. Let the bereaved one decide if he or she wants Bible reading or prayer.Prayer should be short.
4. We should anticipate needs without being told.
5. Don’t stop being a comforter when the wounds seemed to be healed.Make visits, send flowers or birthday gifts to
those affected because death of love ones is never forgotten.
UNFORTUNATELY many Christian couples go through difficult times when they lose their loves one through miscarriages. This is difficult especially when the couples are looking forward to having children. But we know, through testimonies of those who went to heaven and back that even these little ones will be waiting for them in heaven. What a reunion. Couples need to remain strong and look forward to meeting their unborn child in heaven!