Deciding to Marry?

In the old days, parents played an important part in any marriage. Their approval is critical and normally they had what type of son-in-law or daughter-in-law in mind. Usually, they choose the correct person because they look for certain qualities. Because of that, young people who wants to get married would try their best to produce such qualities.

Marriage nowadays depend alot on the young people themselves. Most parents are unable to prevent their children from marrying the person that they would not want. Hence, problems do occur because of such freedom of choice.

How did we fall in love to the person we decide to marry? First we must know how a person can get acquainted. If we meet some one once, we will not be attracted much. Meet or talk to a person 2 times, you will get a little bit attracted. 3 times or more, you will be attracted more, whether that person is married, of other faith etc. The greatest danger is when two persons always meet or talk together more often. Once you know a person, you will easily fall in love. That is why, if you are already married, keeping a distance is  always safe. So before we are drawn to a person, we have to find out the status of the person and his faith. Why, because worldly love is blind. Once you fall in love, you will not care anymore. You will not listen to advice. The only time you will come to your senses is during the marriage when you crash against the problem. By then it would be too late.




If you are contemplating to marry somebody, you have to think very carefully before you make such decision. The reason is, marriage is meant for a life time, may be for 50 years. You make the wrong choice, you will suffer for the rest of your life. Probably, if problems persist, you would think of divorce. Divorcing as you like is not that easy. You will bring such problem to the next world- it could affect the afterlife.  Have you ever thought of quarrelling for the rest of your life? No, we do not want. But we can avoid by choosing the right partner. Pray about it and don’t rush. You know, people like one another if they are use to meeting each other often. Meeting too often will draw two persons together, regardless of being married to somebody or not. So married couple should avoid meeting other people alone, too often.

In fact meeting too often with someone might cause a person to be attracted to the person concern, and make the decision to marry. In other words, you might not make a proper decision. It is better to observe and control oneself before thinking of such idea. Some people marry because of religion, fame or wealth. If you are a Christian, you should marry a Christian because this will affect your faith. Faith is no simple matter. Our life on earth is short, but eternity is forever! Which do we choose? A short enjoyment over eternity? Marrying into someone’s religion surely means we will leave our faith. You must know that Jesus is the only way. Besides, your children will be dragged to follow you.

So plan your marriage carefully, and with God’s help, you will get your life partner. When i mention about a life partner, it is more than what we think. We will learn all the lessons of marriage as we go on in our marriage life.


I married my wife in 1985. I was about 30 years old then. The reason i married her was because I fell in love with her and decided to build a family of my own. I am a Lun Bawang and she is a Chinese. Two different races joining together as one. She picked my language well but I couldn’t speak her language. But there is one language that both of us knew, and share and that is the language of love.

LOVE brought us together and we believed that our love for each other will continue to grow as we grow older and be able to know more about each other. There is no turning back for both of us. We had taken our Christian vow in 1985 in a small Lun Bawang village in Lawas, witnessed by our parents, relatives and friends. We slaughtered a buffalo and some pigs for the whole community. I have so many relatives so i expected a big crowd. A pastor from my home village married us. Really God was behind our simple marriage. Knowing that our God had decided, we are meant for each other for eternity.

our marriage produced 5 boys. In 1998, God took 3 of them and left 2 with us to take care and look after. Currently one had graduated as a mechanical engineer and the other will also be a civil engineer in a few years time. When my eldest son received his first pay, he bought two wrist wateches, one for me and the other for my wife, costing more than half of his salary. I began to see the blessings of God upon our marriage. Sometimes i cook when my wife is busy with her work. Sometimes both of us cook together.

One of my nieces who stayed with us for a year told her parents that the whole year she stayed with us as a student in my school, she had never seen or heard us quarreled or argued. She was telling her parents not to quarrel or argue. Marriage is an agreement to be good and take care of one another. It is a promise to always be of help with one another and to share and be united. One of the reason why we avoid arguing is so that our children will grow up to respect others too. My wife and myself had tried our best not to utter angry words or bad words. We taught our children to pray and to read the Bible. My tow children are good with music and the instruments because i am a worship leader too. We have our holidays every year.  This is very important to keep our family always together. Some parents bring their family for holidays elsewhere and they will not have problems with their kids at all. When a family seldom stay together, the children will spend more time with their friends than their own parents. In this way, the children does not obey or respect their parents because they are not close at all. Parents must spend quality time with their children. Going for holidays prevent the children from being too close to their friends at the expense of their parents. Buying some presents for children do send a message to our children that we care.

Marriage is for eternity. We are not long in this world SO we must make every effort to be a family who fear our God.

Cheating on our spouse is not christian at all. Where will we go if we divorce one another? We will still be acountable to God in the future. There won’t be any love better than the first love. I believe, when a man and a woman decided to get married, they must be full of love or otherwise they won’t want to get married. So if you think that your spouse is no longer loveable, it is because you have not build up that first love in your marriage!

A friend of mine ( a man) was invited to speak to ladies on marriage. He told them that we must not take for granted that because we are already married, we need  not look after ourselves. So, he said that some married women don’t even bother to dress nicely or attractively. They no longer keep their good look any more. Some husband did not bother about himself too. This made their spouse easily attracted to other people! This might be humourous to many but there is truth in this. We must keep our good look but in a simple way. Too extreme on both ends is not good. We are going old and past beauty is slowly fading but our good character and love must increase with age.

So marriage is full of responsibilities. Marriage is about love over differences. Keep our marriage in the love of Christ.


God gave Adam Eve, so that he will not be alone and that they will start a family. Either spouse is God’s gift to one another. Then God gives us children. We must know that. He gives us or he may not give us. He close or open wombs. However, since our children is God given, the children are not totally ours. They are entrusted to us, as they come into the world and to be taught the way of the Lord first. So our first responsibility is to take care of God’s gift to us. We will be accountable to God if we mislead or lost him to the world or to hell! The first lesson that requires no training is to show love to our children. God gives us this instinct, which requires no schooling. The need for food, shelter and love need not be told to any family. If we are children of God, then our children will surely be blessed.


ATTITUDE TO LIFE is very important. As the years roll on, we will age. Our features is no longer the same as when we were younger. Although how we might feel or think does not age, but our physical body will continue to change. Our husband or our wife too will age. They are no longer as charming or as beautiful as when he or she was young. We have to accept that fact. Not acknowledging the reality will make us easily be interested in other younger people. Remember, our life on earth is very short. We could be lost forever just because of lust or evil desires.

Our spouses may no longer be attractive due to old age. We must not think of separating! How far can we go in life?

To stay faithful, think of the wonderful memories when both had decided to tie the knot. Think of the children that you have shared. Think of what God had done for the family. Think of eternity! Do we want to trade eternity for a temporary excitement? Do you want your children to dislike you forever? Or do you want to destroy what God had put together? When we grow old, we want our children to care for us. The only people who will care for us in this world is our own spouse who had been with us thick and thin and our own children. These are too VALUABLE for us. 

A PLANT OF FLOWERS must constantly be taken care of such as being watered, fertilized etc. Marriage must also be guarded and taken care of faithfully. The Bible gives us guidance of marriage. 

To stay together is very important to keep the fire burning. Some children ask their old parents to look after their kids, which is not really good for the well being of growing children. Hence, they separate the two old persons from each other. In fact, when a person grow older, he really wants someone to be close by. They will depend on another more. Those of the same age will understand more.


The book of Malachi also tells us about God’s view of marriage. Marriage is a covenant and not a contract. The witness of the marriage is God himself and therefore marriage must be honoured until the end. Since God is the witness, those who break this covenant is responsible to God.